Have you ever cringed at something your child said?
When our kids were young, sometimes they would notice someone at the store who seemed different from them, and in innocence ask about it. Sometimes their comments would be embarrassing, many times they would provide a "teachable moment," and other times their comments would simply be funny. Then you blink, and your toddlers are teens racing toward adulthood. They are still trying to figure life out, and there are still comments made about those who are different from them that make you cringe. Now, however, the comments are no laughing matter.
My kids are awesome. God has blessed me with two young teens who are truly great. I would suffer the most extreme torture and death imaginable on their behalf. I could fill pages with the ways they made me smile just yesterday alone. But like me, they are still fallible human beings who have selfishness and pride vying for control of their hearts and minds. As parents, we would do well to remember this when their behavior, words, and attitudes contradict everything we've taught them their entire lives. I would do well to remember this.
Both of my teens caught me off guard with some comments in the last couple of days. Our broken washing machine produced a flippant comment about how going to a laundromat would be humiliating. (Excuse me, what did you say?!) Then there was the hesitant agreement to consider reaching out to someone in need, "if it is just for a week or so." (Really? You're giving me a time limit?!) Then there was still another comment about how having a guest in our home would "freak my friends out." (I don't remember inviting your friends to this discussion, thank you very much!)
Oh geesh. Less than a year ago those comments would have sent me over the edge. Instinctively I wanted to scream thoughts like, "Seriously?!" "Have I really raised kids like this?" and "Who do you think you are?" I mean, good heavens, what kind of mother would have teens with such stinky, rotten attitudes?! But God as my witness, I refrained. I took a deep breath and did not give a voice to the disgusted, sarcastic retorts that marched across my mind. I remembered that nothing good in me is apart from Christ and His grace. I remembered the way I had worried about what someone else thought of me just the other day, and how I had often subconsciously elevated myself above others. Though adult and mature enough to not speak it aloud, had I inadvertently modeled this attitude? God, forgive me. How I need a Savior. How I need to point my kids to the Savior.
The comments had to be addressed, but how? I remembered one more thing that day: I remembered that as a parent of teens now, I needed to teach by asking the right questions, instead of by quickly correcting or expressing my disapproval. Now don't get me wrong, because I couldn't have disapproved more. But allowing their comments a safe place to land without condemnation kept their minds and hearts open enough to consider the thought-provoking question God placed on my tongue in time for our supper conversation.
"I have a question," I said sincerely, looking at both of my teenagers. "What do you think makes a person valuable?"
Without much hesitation, they both answered with understandable confidence, "Their character." "Loving God and obeying Him." "Making the right choices."
With my wise and humble husband fully engaged, we led our kids to see that although all of those things are important and expected of authentic Christians, none of them are what gives a person inherent value. After all, a person can have the most despicable character, or have fallen on hard times, and yet is still just as valuable as we are. As we all are.
One of our teens asked why we had earlier said we were concerned. We told them honestly that our biblical worldview should change the way we see ourselves and the world around us. God's way is not the world's way, nor will it ever be. We are subjected to people giving value assessments of others at every turn, and we must be aware of it and choose differently. And, as Proverbs 17:5 warns us, "When we mock the poor we show contempt for our Maker." Serious stuff.
"So," we continued, "what does make a person valuable?"
"The fact that God created them and loves them?"
"Yes. Yes indeed."
Asking the right questions. Definitely a keeper.
Grace and Truth,
Katrina
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