So I've been reading all this material about how my parenting style should shift during my child's teen years. At this point, some of you are asking, "Why should I have to be the one to change?" and I understand. Until recently, I spent at least an entire year of my son's life subconsciously asking that question. Your first instinct is to try to change the behavior of your child, to somehow force respect and better communication. To be able to pound responsibility into their head by the lecture-threat-repeat method, doggone it. After all, at least to some degree these methods have worked with your child for the past 12 or 13 years...so as they say, if it's not broken, why fix it?
The problem is, the parenting tools that weren't broken before just broke. Whether you were awake when it happened or not.
If you're like me, it's much easier to assume that teens are the broken part of the equation. But after many conflicts, tears, sleepless nights, and mounds of frustration, I decided to take a long, hard look at my approach to parenting. The alternative -- a broken relationship with my teen -- was my main motivation.
Some say to just get through it, to "ride out the storm," while others are more optimistic. Some say to look at parenting during the teen years as becoming a life coach, others say to consider ourselves a guide. The jury is still out for my description of it, but one thing I do know: it's a change, and change is never easy. Especially when it's your firstborn, and you're charting a new path altogether. Or maybe it's your second-born, or third, but your previous teens were "easy" by comparison. As we all know, every teen's personality is different.
What are the new tools I'm using to replace the broken ones? Well, there are several actually, but the ones I've been using most lately are silence, asking the right questions, and replacing directives with suggestions. More on these in days to come...
Grace and Truth,
Katrina
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